Can I do this???

Not alone.

That is the answer that keeps coming to me as I pray each day for

energy

patience

stamina

grace

with my job as a stay-at-home-mom to these 4 precious girls that God has entrusted to our care.

Wow. What a HUGE responsibility that is!

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately with the thought of raising 4 girls. I guess it's not just the thought of raising 4 girls...pretty much anyone can do that. But I want to raise them WELL. (or at least raise them without them having to see a therapist as a grown-up)

Sometimes, I look around me and see 2 six year olds playing easily together either inside or outside...sometimes they are arguing or fighting and I have to step in, but overall they are pretty independent.

If you think they look cute above...here is what they look like many times a day (fighting over something silly)!

I tend to think...how great is that? They can go outside alone and play. I can shower or (if I've had a rough night with Mary Britton) take a nap and I can trust them to watch a movie and not get into any trouble. But then I begin to think...oh no...they are getting older and as they get older, there comes more pressures from outside the home. Pressure to be more like the kids they may be around at school that may have families that don't have the same values as our family. Then I begin to wish that they could just stay little and let us be their main influence...not their friends, not TV. But, then I just have to continue to pray for that hedge of protection from Jesus to surround them and shelter them.

Then I look and see a 2 year old that is the center of attention right now in our home. You can not miss her...she makes sure of that! We call it "The Quinnlan Show."

Her older sisters think she hung the moon (and she feels the same way). They play with her and they laugh at her and they also coax her into doing things she probably shouldn't do...just because it's funny that she is FEARLESS. She's the one that is exhausting me at this time in my life.

Then there's Miss Mary Britton.

The 12 week old baby girl that just goes with the flow. When I was pregnant with her, I prayed that God would give us a baby that was laid back and could just fit into our family seamlessly and that is exactly what He did. She naps a LOT in her carseat and I feel really guilty about that. But, I cannot just be homebound like I was with the twins. There is too much to get done in the day. She has begun to laugh and smile more which incredibly brightens my day, so I feel like she is actually thankful for all those sleepless nights I am enduring. (They are getting better, though they can be sporadic.)

My guilt lies in the things that I did with the twins that I have not done as much with Quinn (reading as many books, playing pretend as much, etc.) or Mary Britton (I think she'd be thrilled to just sleep in a crib every once in awhile!). I don't know if a mother's guilt ever goes away. Isn't the mother the one that people always talk to their therapists about???

Great...

I was talking to Kevin about all of this last night and he made a good point. I think I will not feel as on-edge and paper-thin when I begin to feel rested. I'm just waiting for that...what a dream...

On that note, I'd better go to bed...who knows what the night (and Mary Britton) will hold this night?