Chloe and I have had a rough week or so. It's hard for me to even write about because I don't like to voice my kids' difficulties (until we are past them and have learned something from them, etc...) because of the whole "self-fulfilling prophecy" thing. That probably doesn't make any sense because everyone has issues and troubles along life's way, but I guess I just like to be positive.
For instance, I refuse to let Chloe utter the words, "I'm shy." I know she has heard it from other people as they try to pigeon-hole my twins as The Outgoing One and The Shy One (among other terms to tell them apart---when people get them mixed up, it cracks me up to hear them say what we've rehearsed: "No, I'm Mia/Chloe. Get to know me"). But, I don't see her as shy at all! If anything, I see her as cautious in new and different situations. Too politically correct? I don't think so. I think that if she hears herself being described as shy, then she will become more so, if she ever was in the first place.
See...it's hard for me to write about.
So...here's what has been going on. I know I've already written about Chloe's needing a lot of Mommy lately. Well, she also has been having a tough time with her emotions. She has been getting overly angry when she gets in trouble or is reprimanded. I saw it first occurring with Mia when they were fighting over something or another and she has lost it and is shouting at her like crazy and Mia is just in tears. Granted, Mia may have done something to really bug her, but let's have some self-control here. Then when I was giving them a bath, she is very meticulous about washing her body. She doesn't miss an inch. I poured water over her head as she was washing and a tiny bit of suds got in her eye and she started screaming for a towel and so I gave her a dry washcloth and she lost it. She threw it at me and started screaming that she didn't want a washcloth, she wanted a towel and when I wouldn't give her one (I refused because of her reaction) she got so angry that she was just screaming and yelling like, "AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH." So, I pulled her out of the tub and threw a towel around her and sent her out of the bathroom and told her to go to bed. Then she's crying and crying. I went and talked to her after I read Mia a story and she was finally calmed down and she apologized, but I told her that she had to figure out a way to not lose it when she feels angry.
That was the 1st incident.
She had a temper tantrum with Maggie, our standing Wednesday night datenight sitter, that sounded very familiar to the situation above.
That was the 2nd incident.
Then a couple of days ago, she and Mia started fighting over a game on the computer and so I told them that we would close the laptop if they couldn't figure it out, and so they kept arguing and so I went to close the computer and she is pushing my hand away and so I go to remove her from the chair she is sitting in and she is fighting against me. When I stand her up, I get down on her level and tell her that she needs to calm down. She is giving me the biggest Evil Eye look I have seen out of any of my kids. So, I told her that she is going to time out and she needs to stop looking at me like that because she is being very disrespectful. If it was possible, the look got worse. Oh my...Lord, keep me calm! So, I told her that she was going to get a pop (aka a spanking) for being disrespectful and as I get the wooden spoon and spank her 3 times on her backside, she doesn't even flinch! No tears, no nothing. She is straight as a board standing there.
What?!? Who are you???
Then I sent her to the Time Out step to think about it and that is when the water works began.
So, I was thinking that maybe she is doing all of this to get some sort of attention? I have no clue! I took the baby and Mia to my mom's yesterday afternoon so she and I could go and run errands together and spend some good Mommy-Chloe time together and we talked about it all a little bit, but she doesn't like discussing her feelings. I could tell she was uncomfortable because she chews on the sleeve of her shirt when she is nervous.
Then last night, she just cried and cried before bed. She asked if she could go to sleep in our bed and we could move her back to her room when we went to bed and so I laid in our bed with her for a little bit and tried to find out what was going on and she just kept saying that she was sad. I was trying not to cry because my heart was breaking for her. She said she didn't know why she was sad. I asked her if she was nervous about today because it was going to be so busy (2 birthday parties and a sleepover at Grammie's) and she said, "Yes."
OK, now we're going somewhere.
She said she just wanted to be with me all day. So, I told her that she could do that if she wanted...we'd all go to the 1st party together and she could come home with me and Quinnlan for her nap and Daddy could just take Mia to the other birthday party. (She was excited about Grammie's, still.) She said that was what she wanted to do. The relief was written all over her sweet face.
So, she slept in our bed until we came up. Then this morning, she was all-smiles. I asked her if she was feeling better and she said she was and that she decided she did want to go to both parties. So, that is where they are now.
Huh...I don't get it. Is this just the drama of raising girls? Is it something to even worry about? Kevin says that she's fine and it's a stage and that she knows which buttons to push, or should I say, which heartstrings to pull.
I just prayed last night that Jesus would comfort her little heart and mind and give her peace within her little world.
