Forgiveness

My sweet Chloe came to me a couple of days ago with the look on her face that she normally reserves for when she is in a crowd of people that she doesn't know. It is her nervous face. So, I was a little confused in why she was making it around me in the kitchen while I was making dinner. So, I stopped and asked her why she was acting like that. She then proceeded to tell me some really random statements:

"I sometimes spit in the sink." (OK)

"At school our teacher gave us candy corn and I didn't like it so I went to the bathroom and spit it out." (Uh-huh)

So I asked her what was really going on. Why was she telling me all of this?

Then her bottom lip began to tremble and this is what she said:

"Mommy, remember the other night when we were reading at bedtime and you asked me if had just spit on my bed or if I had blown my nose?" (Vaguely. I know this sounds very weird, but I had seen her spit before on the floor INSIDE the house and after I flipped out about how gross that was, she told me she had had a bad taste in her mouth...)

"Well, I told you I was blowing my nose, but I actually had spit on my bed. I'm sorry!" And at this point she burst into tears. She told me she had been thinking about it for a month! Poor thing.

So, I scooped her into my arms and we sat on the kitchen floor and I told her how that nervous feeling she had came from Jesus guiding her to do the right thing. I also told her that I knew it took a lot of courage to come to me about this and how proud I was of her for being honest. I then told her that, of course, I forgave her and that if she wanted to pray right there and ask for forgiveness from our Heavenly Father we could and she prayed right there and I could visibly see the weight being lifted from her shoulders.

It was such a special moment as well as a teachable moment...I was able to tell her that our God loves her so much that he sent Jesus to us at Christmas so many years ago so that we could have the opportunity to experience forgiveness.

Isn't forgiveness and amazing thing?

How I love that precious girl.

Oh, and by the way, the next day she comes home and guess who is December's Student of the Month?!?! CHLOE! My twins are back-to-back Students of the Month! I am ONE PROUD MOMMA!

My very 1st Student of the Month

Yesterday, as I went to open our front door to welcome Mia and Chloe home from school, I see Mia tearing across the yard with the biggest GRIN on her face and she was shouting, "Mommy! I'm Student of the Month!" I think I puffed up a bit right along with her at this pride-inducing news!

I have heard about this exciting honor since their classmate was chosen last month and had his picture on the bulletin board at the front of the school for ALL to see. Mia was practically bouncing hoping that she would one day be up on that board (she thrives on praise).

After I hugged her tight and told her how proud I am of her, I looked for Chloe to see how she was handling this first time of one sister being chosen and not the other. (I have spent their lives trying to make sure that everything is fair-and-square.) I was thrilled to see a grin just as big as Mia's on her sweet face! She was puffed up and so proud of Mia just like this Mama!

When she had put her school things away, she went and sat at the kitchen table and was just looking out the window with her hands cupping her chin and she said to no one in particular,

"I just feel so special!"

Well, honey, you ARE so special! Way to go!

Can I do this???

Not alone.

That is the answer that keeps coming to me as I pray each day for

energy

patience

stamina

grace

with my job as a stay-at-home-mom to these 4 precious girls that God has entrusted to our care.

Wow. What a HUGE responsibility that is!

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately with the thought of raising 4 girls. I guess it's not just the thought of raising 4 girls...pretty much anyone can do that. But I want to raise them WELL. (or at least raise them without them having to see a therapist as a grown-up)

Sometimes, I look around me and see 2 six year olds playing easily together either inside or outside...sometimes they are arguing or fighting and I have to step in, but overall they are pretty independent.

If you think they look cute above...here is what they look like many times a day (fighting over something silly)!

I tend to think...how great is that? They can go outside alone and play. I can shower or (if I've had a rough night with Mary Britton) take a nap and I can trust them to watch a movie and not get into any trouble. But then I begin to think...oh no...they are getting older and as they get older, there comes more pressures from outside the home. Pressure to be more like the kids they may be around at school that may have families that don't have the same values as our family. Then I begin to wish that they could just stay little and let us be their main influence...not their friends, not TV. But, then I just have to continue to pray for that hedge of protection from Jesus to surround them and shelter them.

Then I look and see a 2 year old that is the center of attention right now in our home. You can not miss her...she makes sure of that! We call it "The Quinnlan Show."

Her older sisters think she hung the moon (and she feels the same way). They play with her and they laugh at her and they also coax her into doing things she probably shouldn't do...just because it's funny that she is FEARLESS. She's the one that is exhausting me at this time in my life.

Then there's Miss Mary Britton.

The 12 week old baby girl that just goes with the flow. When I was pregnant with her, I prayed that God would give us a baby that was laid back and could just fit into our family seamlessly and that is exactly what He did. She naps a LOT in her carseat and I feel really guilty about that. But, I cannot just be homebound like I was with the twins. There is too much to get done in the day. She has begun to laugh and smile more which incredibly brightens my day, so I feel like she is actually thankful for all those sleepless nights I am enduring. (They are getting better, though they can be sporadic.)

My guilt lies in the things that I did with the twins that I have not done as much with Quinn (reading as many books, playing pretend as much, etc.) or Mary Britton (I think she'd be thrilled to just sleep in a crib every once in awhile!). I don't know if a mother's guilt ever goes away. Isn't the mother the one that people always talk to their therapists about???

Great...

I was talking to Kevin about all of this last night and he made a good point. I think I will not feel as on-edge and paper-thin when I begin to feel rested. I'm just waiting for that...what a dream...

On that note, I'd better go to bed...who knows what the night (and Mary Britton) will hold this night?