Forgiveness

My sweet Chloe came to me a couple of days ago with the look on her face that she normally reserves for when she is in a crowd of people that she doesn't know. It is her nervous face. So, I was a little confused in why she was making it around me in the kitchen while I was making dinner. So, I stopped and asked her why she was acting like that. She then proceeded to tell me some really random statements:

"I sometimes spit in the sink." (OK)

"At school our teacher gave us candy corn and I didn't like it so I went to the bathroom and spit it out." (Uh-huh)

So I asked her what was really going on. Why was she telling me all of this?

Then her bottom lip began to tremble and this is what she said:

"Mommy, remember the other night when we were reading at bedtime and you asked me if had just spit on my bed or if I had blown my nose?" (Vaguely. I know this sounds very weird, but I had seen her spit before on the floor INSIDE the house and after I flipped out about how gross that was, she told me she had had a bad taste in her mouth...)

"Well, I told you I was blowing my nose, but I actually had spit on my bed. I'm sorry!" And at this point she burst into tears. She told me she had been thinking about it for a month! Poor thing.

So, I scooped her into my arms and we sat on the kitchen floor and I told her how that nervous feeling she had came from Jesus guiding her to do the right thing. I also told her that I knew it took a lot of courage to come to me about this and how proud I was of her for being honest. I then told her that, of course, I forgave her and that if she wanted to pray right there and ask for forgiveness from our Heavenly Father we could and she prayed right there and I could visibly see the weight being lifted from her shoulders.

It was such a special moment as well as a teachable moment...I was able to tell her that our God loves her so much that he sent Jesus to us at Christmas so many years ago so that we could have the opportunity to experience forgiveness.

Isn't forgiveness and amazing thing?

How I love that precious girl.

Oh, and by the way, the next day she comes home and guess who is December's Student of the Month?!?! CHLOE! My twins are back-to-back Students of the Month! I am ONE PROUD MOMMA!

My very 1st Student of the Month

Yesterday, as I went to open our front door to welcome Mia and Chloe home from school, I see Mia tearing across the yard with the biggest GRIN on her face and she was shouting, "Mommy! I'm Student of the Month!" I think I puffed up a bit right along with her at this pride-inducing news!

I have heard about this exciting honor since their classmate was chosen last month and had his picture on the bulletin board at the front of the school for ALL to see. Mia was practically bouncing hoping that she would one day be up on that board (she thrives on praise).

After I hugged her tight and told her how proud I am of her, I looked for Chloe to see how she was handling this first time of one sister being chosen and not the other. (I have spent their lives trying to make sure that everything is fair-and-square.) I was thrilled to see a grin just as big as Mia's on her sweet face! She was puffed up and so proud of Mia just like this Mama!

When she had put her school things away, she went and sat at the kitchen table and was just looking out the window with her hands cupping her chin and she said to no one in particular,

"I just feel so special!"

Well, honey, you ARE so special! Way to go!

Can I do this???

Not alone.

That is the answer that keeps coming to me as I pray each day for

energy

patience

stamina

grace

with my job as a stay-at-home-mom to these 4 precious girls that God has entrusted to our care.

Wow. What a HUGE responsibility that is!

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately with the thought of raising 4 girls. I guess it's not just the thought of raising 4 girls...pretty much anyone can do that. But I want to raise them WELL. (or at least raise them without them having to see a therapist as a grown-up)

Sometimes, I look around me and see 2 six year olds playing easily together either inside or outside...sometimes they are arguing or fighting and I have to step in, but overall they are pretty independent.

If you think they look cute above...here is what they look like many times a day (fighting over something silly)!

I tend to think...how great is that? They can go outside alone and play. I can shower or (if I've had a rough night with Mary Britton) take a nap and I can trust them to watch a movie and not get into any trouble. But then I begin to think...oh no...they are getting older and as they get older, there comes more pressures from outside the home. Pressure to be more like the kids they may be around at school that may have families that don't have the same values as our family. Then I begin to wish that they could just stay little and let us be their main influence...not their friends, not TV. But, then I just have to continue to pray for that hedge of protection from Jesus to surround them and shelter them.

Then I look and see a 2 year old that is the center of attention right now in our home. You can not miss her...she makes sure of that! We call it "The Quinnlan Show."

Her older sisters think she hung the moon (and she feels the same way). They play with her and they laugh at her and they also coax her into doing things she probably shouldn't do...just because it's funny that she is FEARLESS. She's the one that is exhausting me at this time in my life.

Then there's Miss Mary Britton.

The 12 week old baby girl that just goes with the flow. When I was pregnant with her, I prayed that God would give us a baby that was laid back and could just fit into our family seamlessly and that is exactly what He did. She naps a LOT in her carseat and I feel really guilty about that. But, I cannot just be homebound like I was with the twins. There is too much to get done in the day. She has begun to laugh and smile more which incredibly brightens my day, so I feel like she is actually thankful for all those sleepless nights I am enduring. (They are getting better, though they can be sporadic.)

My guilt lies in the things that I did with the twins that I have not done as much with Quinn (reading as many books, playing pretend as much, etc.) or Mary Britton (I think she'd be thrilled to just sleep in a crib every once in awhile!). I don't know if a mother's guilt ever goes away. Isn't the mother the one that people always talk to their therapists about???

Great...

I was talking to Kevin about all of this last night and he made a good point. I think I will not feel as on-edge and paper-thin when I begin to feel rested. I'm just waiting for that...what a dream...

On that note, I'd better go to bed...who knows what the night (and Mary Britton) will hold this night?

Why?

Sometimes, on "this side of the Kingdom" (as my sweet husband puts it), we have to ask that question...

Why, God, why?

When God allows a single 17 year old girl to become pregnant and then in her 8th month, bring that sweet baby boy back home to Him, we have to ask that question.

Loudly.

Tearfully.

No woman should ever have to experience childbirth without the ecstasy of holding that precious warm bundle at the end of her labor...much less a teenager. Does a grown woman have what it takes to deal with this kind of tragedy? If that is a valid question, then how does a virtual child?

I am heartbroken for my sister-in-law. Our nephew, Levi, has been back in Heaven worshipping our Heavenly Father for the past week and a half. He never knew this world except through the muffled sounds of being in utero.

When I saw this beautiful baby boy, he was tiny, but he was fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator.

I am given comfort as I picture Levi being greeted at Heaven's gates by our Saviour as well as our baby, his cousin, that has been there since 2007.

Please pray for Alex as she has to face the loss of a child at the tender age of 18.

Attack of Quinnzilla

Now that things have calmed down a bit, I can write about our first week home with our new baby. To say that Quinnlan had a hard time adjusting to no longer being the "baby" of the house is an understatement. She had spent the last 2 years being completely spoiled...her big sisters pretty much gave (and still do) her anything she wants and she loved that role. Then here comes this little bundle that requires a lot of attention (taking some away from her) and I guess she figured action needed to be taken to re-establish her place!

When we had been home just a couple of days, I had all 4 girls in bed with me in my new room as I was nursing Mary Britton. We were all cuddled up and watching some kid show on PBS and I was thinking, "This is so nice...I love my little family of girlies." When I finished feeding the baby, I remembered that I needed to call the company that made our video monitor because it was no longer working to see about getting a replacement still under warranty. So, when I called, they said they needed the number on the back of the monitor, which was downstairs. So, I took the baby with me downstairs for a maximum of 5-6 minutes as I got the number for the lady on the phone and as I went back upstairs, Quinn met me in the hallway upstairs with a Sharpie in her mouth saying, "Ta-Da!"

Oh. No.

I grabbed her arm and ran into my room (remember, my NEW room that Kevin had just redone for me???) and she had scribbled on:

-the hardwood floor

-the white bed skirt

-the wall

-the back of the bathroom door

-the white duvet cover

-the quilt at the end of the bed

-the pack-n-play

-the upholstered chaise lounge chair

-and all over herself

all in a matter of 5-6 minutes!

Where were Mia and Chloe, you may ask? Oh, they were still on the bed in a comatose state watching TV!!!

I completely LOST IT. I drug Quinnie to her room and shut the door for about 10 minutes so I wouldn't do something I might regret to her :)

I think Mia and Chloe were scared because I am not a "screamer", but I was that day! I could not believe that neither of them saw the toddler walking around drawing on everything with a PERMANENT MARKER!

I called Kevin hysterical and he thought I had dropped the baby on her head or something...I was bawling. As I tried to explain to Mia and Chloe, what if someone gave you a new present that you loved and then someone broke it a couple of days after you hadn't even had a chance to really enjoy it? Who knows if that went over their 6 year old heads...

Good news is that we were able to get it off the floor, the wall, and the bathroom door...we are still working on the cloth pieces...the chair is ruined. Ugh. Maybe a throw blanket can be placed at the end of it to cover it up?

I guess we learned our lesson of leaving Quinnzilla alone with two 6-year-old babysitters (with the TV on).

Or...maybe not.

A couple of days later, I had gotten all 3 girls ready for church and Kevin was about to get in the shower while I planned on napping with the baby with the house quiet while everyone was at church.

As I am almost asleep, I hear Kevin freaking out downstairs.

So much for my quiet naptime...

He brings Quinn upstairs and was putting her in the bathtub. He had gone down to the office in the basement for a minute and, like my mistake, had left all 3 girls watching TV. When he came up, Quinn had pooped in her diaper and had put her hand in it and wiped it all over the couch, the carpet,and had HER HAND IN HER MOUTH!!!

One word...Gross.

So, instead of heading off to church, Kevin headed to Home Depot for a steam cleaner.

Thankfully, she has been an angel since that 1st week. I think we all learned a lesson that week!

Here are some pics of our resident artist at work...the RIGHT way (sort-of):

Good thing she's a cutie...I guess we'll keep her :)

Pushing Present

I wanted to give my awesome hubby BIG props for my Pushing Present this time around! (Even though there is no pushing involved with a c-section---I feel I still worked hard making this baby for the past 10 months!)

I came home from the hospital and was met by my parents and Mia, Chloe and Quinnlan. The big girls were saying for me to hurry upstairs to see our closet. I assumed that Kevin had moved our dresser to our closet, which was something I had wanted done as a part of my "Nesting List." So, we go upstairs and my jaw dropped as I walked into our bedroom. This is what I saw:

I had wanted to paint our bedroom since we moved to this house 4 years ago. I would have painted it myself, but I am a horrible painter, and not only did the walls need painting, the ceiling also needed painting---I was not up for tackling that task! Our walls were a dark brown (which I know is very "in" right now, but because of where our room is in the house, it doesn't get a lot of light and not only were the walls brown, the ceiling was also brown, so it literally felt like a cave.) when I went into the hospital. Kevin had painted them a soft Latte color while I was gone. What a difference it made! We had bought a new bed frame and mattress this summer, so we were on our way to making our room a place that I enjoyed being in.

Isn't it funny how we can create the cutest rooms for our children and completely neglect our own personal space in the home??? That is how things had worked in our house.

So, not only did he paint the walls and ceiling, he also bought new nightstands, lamps and curtains. It looked amazing.

Then he said to turn and look on the wall opposite our bed (where the dresser used to be) and this is what I saw:

Holy Moly...he had installed the shelf, TV and DVD player all without any help! I was in shock.

Then the girls said to look in the closet and I saw that not only did he put the dresser in there, he had completely made it like a mini-kitchen for me! There was a mini-fridge stocked with waters and Vitamin Waters, a single cup Keurig coffee maker, and a basket of snacks!

looking into the closet

The Keurig and basket of K-Cups (even mugs!)

Snacks for the nursing Momma

Now, unfortunately, I never want to leave my new room!

I know we still have some more to add (pictures, rugs, etc), but it really is like my little haven within my chaotic house right now and I am so thankful for the Extreme Makeover!

He thought of everything...I love this man.

It's a...

GIRL!!!!

Yes, we are officially a family of 6!

On August 10, we headed to Piedmont Hospital for my scheduled c-section...honestly, I never thought I'd make it to this day. I was SURE I was having this baby early. That was not in the cards...so, off we went, bags packed and ready to meet our new son or daughter!

Everything was moving along smoothly as the nurses and doctors prepped me for surgery. They called for Kevin to come in the OR once they were ready to begin. I was very anxious to finally hear Kevin announce the sex of our baby. Well, the doctors said, "Stand up, Dad, to see your baby being born!" and he stood and we waited...and they tugged and pulled...and we waited some more...more tugging...where is the baby??? At one point, I wondered if the doctor was on top of me trying to get our baby out. They said the baby kept "floating" away from the incision, so they had to use forceps to grab hold of her sweet head! Then Kevin said, "It's a baby GIRL!" I started bawling...out of relief for a healthy delivery and I was thrilled to complete our family with 4 daughters. How precious. And, she has beautiful red hair! I couldn't believe it! I think I always secretly wanted a red-headed baby...who knew?!?

check out the red hair!

Mary Britton Dierkes: 7lb. 3oz., 19 3/4in. born at 1:31pm on August 10, 2010

Proud Parents

First Kiss

I'm in LOVE

As I've told Kevin many times, he was meant to be a father to daughters---what an enormous responsibility to teach our girls what a strong man/husband/father looks like. And after reading the amazing book, "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters", I am so glad that Kevin is the father to our girls. He is so great with them and they seriously ADORE him.

Proud Papa

Here are some pics of our sweet Mary Britton and her very own Birthday Week :)

Grandaddy

Nana

Grammie

Mia and Chloe finally meeting Mary Britton

Mary Britton's favorite cuddle position

Mary Britton wearing the same Coming Home outfit as her older sisters wore home from the hospital

Going Home

Quinnie FINALLY meeting her baby sister---so proud